Im sorry i've neglected you so much. I've decided to just update this on a weekly basis, after more things have happened, that way I can be more descriptive and not fill up my livejournal.

So here's what's been happening: Im not preggy. We got an emergency contraceptive and I got my period a week after I had just finished. Weird. But now I am taking birth control.

Last weekend, while David was in monarc, we were talking, and i told him i loved him. and he didnt say it back. And I mean, I wouldnt want him to lie about it, i just thought he felt the same. So once we had hung up I went up to my room and cut my legs apart hoping the marks could pass for shaving nicks. Then a few days later when he was home i was just tracing my fingertips along his arm and i wrote, "I love you" and i didnt realize he was watching, but he pulled me close to him and kissed him. I think I forgot a couple days. We did shrooms together. he had done them before but not me. What an amazing experience that was. I told myself they wouldnt work, but then things started moving around and everything i looked at was shrinking and expanding and there were all these crazy jungle designs in the carpet, but i thought that even if i hadnt eaten them, i would still be seeing these things. Weird. But all in all, an amazing experience. I remember, we were in brandons room, i was on the bed just sitting and he pulled my passion fruit lip balm out of my purse and put some on. He looked at me and he said, "this smell makes me think of you." and I didnt say anything but I knew I loved him. Another amazing experience: david and i have been having sex a lot and its good sex. We do it like every day. Im afraid I will get burnt out, but i really like it.

Today he needed to leave for Aspen at five. He hadnt smoked for a long time, then he did today between first and second periods, and it messed him up. His wanky was not working so we didnt have sex and i was kind of annoyed with him for doing that. I wasnt really, but when I act all upset it makes me feel like more of a girlfriend. So I acted upset and we went to brandons so he could pick up some weed. When we were walking back to the car we just started kissing in the snow and that made me less mad. And in the car he told me how pretty and beautiful i am, and how he thinks it but he doesnt think he says it enough because he knows I know how pretty I am. Then we got to my house and he got out of the car to kiss me goodbye and we were kissing in the snow again and i said, "i love you"

and he pulled away and looked in my eyes and said, "i love you too."

Then I went back inside and just giggled like nuts.

"What can I do? I'm in love with you."